So as promised, here's my next entry.
I've had some more time to process and digest what I experienced. As I said, there was a certain point where the current and Light were just too, too much for my puny mortal (is it, though?) vessel. I saw Sophia as a mighty and proud torrent of self-beautifying and self-evolving energy of endless fractals of self-improving, self-learning genius calculations. She was a metaphorical proud lion with a serpent body. Another Gnostic writer described what I saw in better, tighter terms. She was in "Limitless Light." Beyond all Time and Space. Encompassing it all to a point where I was unable to understand at all how I can be finite in such infinite reality since such a concept was completely incomprehensible where I was. (Being finite all of a suddenly became a very attractive idea when my body became shaken with the amount of Light, information and therefore, responsibility that would lie in the Higher Dimensions. The "butterfly effect" takes on a whole new meaning and small and unimportant is what I felt myself craving to become in the immensity of such Light and awareness of the true vulnerability of Life itself.) Communication felt telepathic. It felt in the blood. It reminded me of what was described by the ancients as "Sound without Sound." Nothing was heard and yet I understood Her very deeply as if listening to a dialogue from my heart while the most touching soundtrack was being played. Hollywood ain't got nothing on Momma Sophia. It was in this manner that Sophia communicated to me the very pain She was withholding from us and attempting to communicate though us by having a few chosen vessels experience some of the very horrors that She confronted in...The Abyss.
When Gaia-Sophia fell from Heaven, She had the ability to procreate but not the knowledge, according to Herself and the elders who passed down communications. In other words, She was what we would call "prepubescent." She was the youngest of Pleroma. She was a very beautiful, sweet young girl who found Herself far from home and desperate to get back. And She was in the wrong part of town...
When Sophia was running Her current through me, She communicated to me a very deep trauma that was so painful to Her where there was one point She swore She would never love another being again. The trauma went on for a very long time and ended in deep betrayal as Gaia-Sophia seduced Herself into thinking She could "save" Her tormenters. In the endless fractals upon fractals, I saw what looked like greys. Too terrified to further investigate, I simply allowed the observation to pass before me while mentally book marking it for later. It was clear that there was no mistake these apparent parasites (they seemed like it, the way they were on but not from within the fractal. The way a parasite feeds on us but is not from within us) appeared as She was communicating this story. They are on Her but not of Her.
Ancient gnostic scriptures always talk about the archons that resembled aborted fetuses that were accidentally produced from Sophia's current. What Sophia communicated is that these greys represent Her tormenters. Possibly a metaphorical representation of the trauma and abuse embodied by these beings and their obsessive and oppressive behaviors. In order to process and communicate this trauma, Sophia set up an illusion called Yaldabaoth- a representation of all Her repressed self-hatred and self-rejection. Her trauma was so deep and intense it is as if you take all the suffering child prostititutes, all the human degradation, oppression and darkness and compress it into one massive experience that lasted millennia. It would crush us to even imagine it but Sophia broke up into a trillion little pieces in order to heal it. Her tormenters, however, keep making it into Her nightmares. They have been documented in ancient Gnostic scriptures as meddlesome little envious "aborted fetuses" and a simple Google search will open you to thousands upon thousands of accounts of tormenting or harassment by them that goes on to this day, present company included (mostly isolated to my teen years). Their deep envy of us is rooted in their inability to procreate -a result of their own over meddling and rejection of the authority of Life. They keep searching from "Sophia" within as if it is something one can isolate, analyze and replicate. No longer capable of actual creativity, this is what they reduced themselves to. Trying to isolate Life into some pill form they can control rather than submitting to it. This 3D world and all its problems is the result of some massive PTSD. And these annoying little greys, remnants of a dark past threatening to never let Her leave their tiny, little worthless clutches. (Spoiler alert: She does/did/has done so some time ago. And brilliantly. Bravo to Us, ALL.)
Sophia repeats through Yaldabaoth (the biochemical device within us that allows us to maintain this 3D illusion-the "veil") the traumas and issues that occured to Her in the Abyss in order to confront and heal the trauma so that She may be fully at One in the Pleroma. Many scriptures talk about this as Sophia's "repentance." This reminds me of the countless times child abuse victims repress their memories in a mistaken attempt to heal the trauma by denying it only to have it manifest in self-destructive behaviors until the victim can no longer repress the turbulent emotions and finally confesses in a waterfall of emotions and what comes off as repentance for their passive-aggressive or outright aggressive behaviour towards loved ones - an attempt to communicate to Loved ones the anger and sorrow within without having to actually say it and relive the trauma. And yet, Sophia did relive it. Over and over again through us. How else to communicate to Her family something so literally abysmally dark that it is out of their wildest imaginations. But there was no way to keep avoiding it and having world after world be destroyed. The darkness within that Sophia experienced in the Abyss had to be communicated and called out to be healed. And they are healed through our moment to moment decisions to choose Love. The realization of these facts are occuring at a rapid pace to humanity because we are coming into alignment with Gaia-Sophia and Her Truths.
Yaldabaoth did not create the greys. But allows them to penetrate this illusion in order to communicate something about the abyss that needs confronting and healing. I suspect powerlessness. Yaldabaoth also did not create the wars and disasters because the Truth is no one can make you do anything. You do. Yaldabaoth enables the dark within humans. Yaldabaoth was Sophia's way to allow the darkness of Her unconscious to communicate by creating a veil of separation from Pleroma so that all Her darkness within could be expressed without any sense of shame or guilt. And whatever proved to not be of Sophia or to server Her but was simply a vessel for the abyss to express itself will be....destroyed. Quite easily. As it has outlived its purpose of evolution and promulgation of Life itself.
Yaldabaoth is also not a creation of the abyss but a byproduct of it because it was a way for Sophia to deal with the deep sense of rejection, hatred, degradation and disgust that She was left with there as a result of Her experiences by the hands of the inhabitants. So who is Yaldabaoth?
Yaldabaoth is Sophia. Sophia is Yaldabaoth. She rejected Her snake son even though She is a snake Herself because She was in a deep place of self-hatred and that is what Her creation represented. He was exactly like Her in his power and pride except that he refused to believe in Pleroma. Much like Sophia in Her darkest times. Who can't relate? And now that his use is over, we thank Him for allowing us to collectively work out our issues and make space for him and his illusions to dissolve back into Sophia. We make the space for him to "come back through (his Mother)", like his name suggests, and dissolve into Her Loving compassion and understanding. New Gaia is already here- She was never gone. She was just waiting for us to realize and remember Her. The City of Light is within. (wink. wink. wink) All layers are dissolving. And here's my little contribution to the collective nodes.
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